Murkrow VS Cherrim
by Black Archangel
Summary: Poking fun at Pokemon has never been so much fun. Chapter 10 is finally up! Destroy the n00bs!
1. Murkrow VS Cherrim

A/N: Heya! It's me, Archangel-sama! And before you ask, I got the picknicker's name from an FAQ. Anyway, be sure to review. Okay? Okay. STORYTIME!

By the way, this is no longer a oneshot. I'm writing a series! Yay! Aren't you happy for me? So that means you need to give me extra review! Okay? Okay. Now shut up and read.

Disclaimer: I own nothing because I'm poor. TT

**Chapter One:**

**Iron Island: Murkrow VS Cherrim  
**

**By: Black Archangel**

* * *

"Hey!"

The picknicker ran up to meet the girl in front of her, however ran too fast, thus slamming full force into her, knocking her into the guy next to her.

The picknicker, called Summer, paid no heed to this and shouted, "Our eyes have met! We must do battle!"

The girl, known as Aki, swiftly turned her head down, her eyes closed. "Our eyes didn't meet," she lied.

Summer found this fairly distressing, seized the other girl's head and franticly attempted to pry her eyes opened. They stubbornly remained clamped shut. The young man, Riley, was just getting up when he noticed this fairly off scene. He wasn't exactly shy about sweatdropping.

At last Summer managed to get Aki to look her in the face. "At last!" Summer shrieked, sighing in frustration. Behind her, Aki swore.

"Now we duel!" she continued, throwing a Pokeball into the air. "Go, Staravia!" The ball exploded in a flash of white light, releasing something that resembled a fairly plump little kid that obviously belong to a rich family in bird form.

Aki sighed, muttered, "Fine", and released a Pokeball of her own. "Go, Murkrow! Let's end this quick..."

Murkrow jumped out and screeched, "Krooooooooooow!" very loudly. A few pebbles fell from the ceiling, hitting Staravia in the head. Staravia fainted in an instant. Summer was speechless, but withdrew her Pokemon and shouted, "Go, Cherrim!"

"It was hideous. Standing on a single clawed foot, it looked like something that should have been disposed of long ago. Shielded in a purple cloak of mysteries, it bore a plant like growth on its head, if it was indeed its head, as it might as well be its solar plexus. Out of this darkish green patch grew a long, evil looking extension, curled and-"

"Riley!" shouted Aki. "Don't put in weird narrations like that!" Riley stepped back into a corner, apparently depressed, and thankfully remained silent.

Summer ignored them. "Cherrim!" she shouted. "Use Sunny Day!"

This Pokemon, apparently called Cherrim, bounced around doing a little chant, then returned to its normal position.

And nothing happened.

"You DO know that Sunny Day only works if you can actually SEE the sun, right?" asked Aki.

"Oh," said Summer guiltily. "Right. Cherrim, use Leech Seed!"

"Hey!" shouted Aki. "It was my turn!"

"Screw that," snapped Summer. "Leech Seed, you good for nothing little moron!" Cherrim shot several seeds out of its body, which hit Murkrow, then bounced clean of its body. The seeds instead burrowed themselves underground.

Aki's turn. "Murkrow, use Night Shade!" she shouted. Murkrow flew forward, stepped in front of Cherrim, then turned around and (somehow) caused its shadow to beat up the foe.

"I never did understand how that attack worked," mused Riley.

Cherrim sucked nutrients from the ground as a result of the aforementioned Leech Seed attack.

"And that's another thing," continued Riley. "How does Cherrim suck up those nutrients if the seeds aren't connected to the recipient. It makes no sense!"

"Yeah," admitted Aki. "That's a good point. How DOES it happen?" Instantly the seeds in the ground shriveled away into nothingness.

"Happens every time," said Summer mournfully.

Aki clutched her head in frustration. This was too much. "Murkrow, finish them! Use Fly!" she shouted. Murkrow flew up high. There was a loud crunching noise and the sound of somebody screaming, then Murkrow returned to the ground, missing its target by several feet.

"Yay!" cheered the picknicker. "I win! Yahoo!"

Aki turned around to face Riley, then threw a menacing glare at him.

"Hey, hey, I thought I told you to cut that out," said Riley, throwing the glare behind him.

Aki looked ready to kill.

"H-hey," said Riley, backing off. "You're not still mad with me about that time when I made that Steelix do that... thing... are you?"

Once again came the crunching sound and the screaming.

Somewhere above the Spear Pillar, Arceus winced.

**END**

* * *

A/N: Well, did you like it? If so, review! If not, review anyway! REVIEW FOOLS OR I SHALL DEVOUR YOUR MUDKIPS. 


	2. Gastrodon VS Rapidash

A/N: AHAHAHAHAHAHA! You liked it didn't you? I thought I'd be given a bunch of negative review, but no! EvilDux made me happy. Well, anyway, I SHALL CONTINUE! I shall write a series. Maybe. Depends if I'm inspired. Right now, not really, but I felt obligated to write this. Any suggestions for Chapter Three? 

I know Flint doesn't have a Charizard, by the way, I just wanted to put that in there.

DISCLAIMER: I'm still poor, so I still own nothing. Please donate some pretzels, so I can choke- er, I mean, for food. Yes. Food. Nothing about making presidents suffocate or anything like that. Just... food. sigh Damn, that was close... Wait! You didn't here that! Ugh... lemme just distract you with a story...

**Chapter Two: **

**Elite Four: Gastrodon VS Rapidash **

**By Black Archangel**

* * *

Elite Four Flint stepped forward, holding a Pokeball in his hands. He grinned, declaring loudly, "You ready?", then tossed the Pokeball into the air, releasing a Charizard into the arena. 

"Go, Gastrodon!" shouted the challenger, Aki, tossing a Heal Ball into the air. The pink and blue ball exploded, which released a burst of white light, and THAT released a brown and purple sea slug-like Pokemon. This Pokemon, Gastrodon, shouted something that souded oddly like, "SCREEEEEEEEE!"

"Gastrodon, use Rain Dance!" shouted Aki. Gastrodon nodded, took out a record player, and danced to the music. Badly.

Nothing happened, but it began to rain outside. Aki swore, then grabbed a rock from her pocket and threw it at the sprinklers. It began to spew water that probably should have been used a long time ago. Gastrodon, while nobody was looking, jumped on top of the record player and began spinning.

Flint's Charizard waited, and then turned around and realized its tail light had gone out. It stood there for a few moments, then dropped on the floor, dead.

"You cold-blooded murderer!" declared Flint, pointing an accusatory finger at Aki. She shrugged as Flint recalled his Charizard and send out a Rapidash instead. Gastrodon slid off the record player.

"Go, Rapidash!" he shouted, five seconds after the Rapidash had materialized onto the stage. Aki and Gastrodon sweatdropped in unison.

"Rapidash, use Bounce!" commanded Flint. Rapidash somehow managed to bounce around on its bottom, then shot through the ceiling. A few more sprinklers turned themselves on.

"It'll come back down soon," Flint assured Aki and Gastrodon, seeing the shocked looks on their faces.

Rapidash did indeed come back down, breaking another hole in the ceiling, and bounced on the sea slug. And bounced, and bounced, and bounced. And then, bounced again.

"Gastrodon is NOT bouncy, dammit!" shotued Aki.

"SCREEEE!" exclaimed the sea slug in agreement. After a while, it became apparent that Rapidash thought of Gastrodon as some kind of living trampoline, and so, Gastrodon slid over the record player, causing Rapidash to bounce on the really sharp and pointy needle.

Rapidash didn't bounce after that.

"Now, Gastrodon!" shouted Aki. "Use Surf!" Gastrodon called forth a wave of water to swallow Rapidash whole. It rushed through every last window, door, and even the hole in the ceiling, coming forward in one collosal invasion of liquids. Every last water cell came at the foe in a giant burst of blue, in the form of a giant wave.

"Where does the water come from, anyway?" asked Flint, confused. Almost as if on cue, the wave of water vanished.

"Shut up!" shouted Aki. "Gastrodon, don't let him get you down! Use Body Slam!" Gastrodon jumped on the Rapidash, and then shot through the ceiling, "scree"ing in pain.

"NOT ON THE HORNS, DAMMIT!" screamed Aki furiously. She sighed, then awaited Gastrodon's return.

It didn't come back.

Aki sighed. "Idiot..." she muttered.

"Alright!" shouted Aaron, appearing from nowhere. "Now you can spend more time with me! Oh, you're so se-"

Aki sighed, kicked him in a painful place, and walked back to the Pokemon Center.

**END**

* * *

A/N: Yeah, I know it wasn't as good as the last one, but last time, I had more inspiration, and basically, a lot of the jokes I used here were very similar to the jokes used in Chapter One. I upped this to T mainly because of the Aaron crack at the very end. Anyway, review please. Please. Oh, and I still want pretzels. selfish 


	3. Zapdos VS Articuno

A/N: Thank you, good peoples, for reviewing! I bet I could say something really dumb and/or witty right here, but I'll just get on with the story. 

If anyone's curious, my team is Torterra, Gallade, Honchkrow, Gastrodon, and Machoke. All at Lv. 58. Was able to beat my rival in Fight Area, so that makes me feel happy. I really need a good Flying type counter, I've been able to get by with Gastrodon's Surf/ Honchkrow's Dark Pulse... Maybe I'll teach Gastrodon Ice Beam. Or get a Glaceon. Maybe a Jolteon. I dunno.

This was requested by EvilDux, by the way. Sorry it's so much shorter than the others...

Disclaimer: Haha! Now I DO own something! I haves pretzels! Thankies, EvilDux, for giving me pretzels! And thankies much to Kitayl for giving me many pretzels! -chomp-

**Chapter Three:**

**Battle Tower: Zapdos VS Articuno**

**By: Black Archangel**

* * *

Ah, yes, the Battle Tower. A true pinnacle of strength and respect (and all that other crap) for any self-respecting Trainer, it is the ultimate test of power, not for just the residents of Sinnoh, but the residents of the world.

But right now it seemed more like a test of stupidity was going on. Aki had thought that having Rilet cheer her on was a good idea. But as he pointed out every last flaw, like how her Wooper could use Ice Punch without arms, or how the foe's Wailmer was able to use Dive inside a building, it was getting pretty irritating. Struggling to keep calm, Aki grabbed her next Pokeball so tightly that it might've exploded.

"Go, Moltres!" she shouted, throwing the ball into the air. Moltres came out, wings burning, not looking scary at all.

"You're saying you caught Moltres with a Pokeball," said Riley.

"Shhh!" urged Aki. "Shut up, Riley, shut up!"

"Most people would have caught it with an Ultra Ball. How did you manage to catch it with such a relatively weak ball?:" While Aki had a very irritating discussion with Riley, Moltres vanished.

"DAMN!" she shouted. "Go, Zapdos, then!" Zapdos, who was in an Ultra Ball, came forth, wings crackling and looking super leet.

Her adversary had an Articuno out, which was easily the cutest of the three. I mean, Moltres is ugly, Zapdos practically has win coarsing through its veins, so Articuno has to be the cute one.

Riley chose this moment to speak up again. "Hey," he said. "Zapdos... is an Electric type, right?"

Aki didn't see any harm in answering this question. "Yeah..."

"But it's also a Flying type."

Aki couldn't see where this was going.

"So, wouldn't its Electric type cause it to shock itself and die upon living?" At that precise moment, exactly that happened, Zapdos twitching on the ground like a dead mouse.

"BONKLER!" shouted Aki, conviniently bonking Riley on the head to go with it.

"But then Articuno is an Ice type..." he said pensievly. "So then it would freeze itself and die..." which happened right there and then, "and then Zapdos would come back to life because it's made of win."

Zapdos didn't come back to life.

Aki gave Riley an especially evil look.

Meanwhile, outside the Battle Tower stood Flint, a rather weak looking Charizard at his side. "Maybe..." he mused. "Maybe, Charizard, we can do this. Get back on track, you know?" Charizard nodded enthusiastically, despite of its terrible condition. Suddenly, out of the sky came a falling body, dressed in blue and oddly resembling Riley. The body hit Flint, knocking him out cold, then smashed against Charizard and falling on its tail, putting out the flame. Charizard once again died.

And at the funeral, there was Marley.

Because she liked emo things like that.

**END**

* * *

A/N: Mmmm... Those pretzels were good! I mean, uh, any suggestions for the next chapter? Any? Please? If not, review. Please. Because I like reviews. They make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 

P.S. And guess what? I have a Torchic plushie! -hugs-


	4. Wailord VS Geodude

A/N: Just an FYI, Aki said "Bonkler" in the last chapter, right? As far as I know, that's "idiot" in Japanese (though "Bonklers" with an "s" is Team Idiot. XD) The reason I didn't use the more popular phrase "baka" which most of you'd be more familiar with is because I made Aki "bonk" Riley on the head. "Bonk" and "Bonkler" kind of go together, you know? 

Oh, and also, this takes place in the RUIN MANIAC CAVE. It's that odd cave on the route south of Veilstone. Go south, take a left, there's a cave there. It's not very big, but there are wild Pokemon there.

Disclaimer: Damn, Kitayl, you must be freaking LOADED, because I'm not even halfway done with these pretzels. Anyway, I do not own Pokemon because Game Freak is so selfish. -sad-

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS RUIN MANIAC BASHING

**Chapter Four:**

**Ruin Manaic Cave: Wailord VS Geodude**

**By Black Archangel**

* * *

South of Veilstone is a grand cave. A cave that just about everybody knows about. Why? Because, within this cave, there is the greatest man alive- the Ruin Maniac. Chipping away oh so valiently at this persistant stone wall, he is a role model for many. It would be an honor to be inside this cave.

It would also be an honor to find out everything I just said was a complete and utter lie.

Aki wandered inside this cave, never seeing it before. It looked different than other caves- outside was a makeshift door made of a very old and fragile piece of wood that covered the entrance. There was little inside, too, she realized, as she entered the cave. Approximately the size of the average bathroom stall, the cave had only a man inside, hacking away at the wall. This was the Ruin Maniac.

The Ruin Maniac turned, realizing he had a guest. He stared, then said weakly, "Yew sellin cewkies? Ah take ten boxes, yesh ah will."

Aki took a step back. "W-what?" she stuttered.

"Yew got tin meents?" continued the Ruin Maniac. "Yewr a purdy girl shcout, yesh yew are."

Aki seemed to have recovered. "I-I'm sorry, sir, I'm not a Girl Scout."

"Oho, but yew ahr!" continued the man.

"I'm a Pokemon Trainer," said Aki, almost apologeticly. "I don't sell cookies."

"Taht's a shame, den," he sighed. "Yewr really purdy, ya know?"

Aki was somehow restraining herself from slapping him. "I-I'll be going know." She backed away towards the door.

"W-wayt!" shouted the Ruin Maniac. "Ah yew singa?"

Aki was almost out of there when she slipped on a Geodude. It opened its eyes slowly, muttered something, and shook a fist, almost as if saying, "You want a fight, punk? Cuz I'll give you a fight!"

She reached into her belt and withdrew a Pokeball. "Go, Wailord!" she shouted.

What happened next was complete and utter chaos. Again, the whole cavern wasn't much bigger than the average bathroom stall. It's like imagining it was a Poffin. Now imagine putting several houses on top of that Poffin. Now imagine trying to cram all of those houses inside the Poffin. It didn't end well, except for Aki, who somehow remained unharmed.

"Wailord!" she shouted. "Use Splash!" Wailord began thrashing about, again, inside the cave, breaking many walls, and though the Geodude was being hurled around like if it was inside a washing machine, it didn't actually take any damage.

The Ruin Maniac was a different story, several bones broken and at least seven vital organs damaged, including the solar plexus, a vital part of the body.

Geodude tried to attack back with Tackle, yet somehow missed.

"Wailord, now, use Rest!" commanded Aki. Wailord stretched, then fell asleep.

"Now use SNORE!"

Wailord let out a huge snore, breaking several walls, eardrums, and hearts. Don't ask me why it broke eardrums, it simply doesn't make sense.

Geodude got annoyed and switched to its last resort: SELF-DESTRUCT! BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM!!!

Under the Wailord came a tiny "bum" as Wailord's back arched, and then returned to normal.

Aki and Wailord, much to the Ruin Maniac's dismay, did a victory dance.

**END**

* * *

A/N: I've always wondered why when a Wailord uses Splash (which it can learn, because Wailmer learns Splash) why it doesn't actually hurt the enemy. I've also wondered how it can battle in such tiny places like the cave. It makes no sense. Anyway, I need reviews. I need them to stay alives... -eats reviews- 


	5. Dusknoir VS Rotom

A/N: -yawn- I worked in a retirement home today. I'm pretty wiped out. But, hey, I'm doing my best to actually get an update today. Hang in there, all two or three of you! Here we go! 

DISCLAIMER: -pretzel- OH SNAP I'M GETTING FAT I NEED TO GO ON A DIET -Yomi- 

This is, by far, the shortest chapter yet.

**Chapter Five:**

**Old Chateau: Dusknoir VS Rotom**

**By Black Archangel**

* * *

The young woman stood still in front of the manor, freezing cold in her thin coat even though it was in the middle of summer. "Okay, okay," she was telling herself. "Just calm down, Gardenia, you can do this..." She drew in a deep breath, and then confidently strode into the-

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

Okay. Maybe she didn't walk in confidently.

Gardenia recoiled slightly, taking several steps back. "Heeeeey..." said Aki mockingly, stepping out from the shadows. "Were you scared?"

"W-what?!" stammered the Gym Leader. "I-I wasn't scared!"

A Silcoon dropped in front of her, and she passed out from shock.

Aki sighed and grabbed Gardenia, ready to head back to Eterna to see if she could be helped. She kicked the Silcoon out of the way, and then, realizing how much fun it was, ran off, following the Pokemon, forgetting all about the unconscious girl on the ground.

A group of Murkrows surrounded Gardenia's body, a rather frightning shine in their eyes.

Meanwhile, Aki had kicked the Pokemon into the mansion, up the stairs, and into a room. She stopped when she entered the small bedroom, apparenly pleased with what she saw. "Ooh, a TV!" she shouted. She zoomed right in front of it, Silcoon forgotton. Unfortunately, she zoomed too fast, and hit the TV...

...A WILD ROTOM APPEARED!

Aki took a step back, then grabbed a Pokeball confidently. "Go, Dusknoir!" she shouted. Dusknoir popped out, striking the most flamenco pose its body was capable of, making "threatning ninja sounds" to go with it. Aki swiftly concealed herself under a bed, horrified.

"Dusknoir, use Gravity," she muttered, traumatized by what was going on.

Dusknoir made a "what does she think she's doing" pose and unleashed a full force Gravity attack!

The Rotom was pulled through the floor, through the floor below it, through the basement, through the ground, and eventually got stuck in the Earth's core. It burned up there. Dusknoir was met with a similar fate, except it was more leet than Rotom, thus able to come back to life after dying.

Zapdos was very jealous in the Underworld.

Meanwhile, above the chateau, a particular Charizard come back to life was sent falling through the mansion, crashing through several floors before once again dying.

Flint was very sad.

And Buck was still a jerk.

**END**

* * *

A/N: I always wondered what happened if Gravity was used on Rotom. Then I noticed how ironic it was that Dusknoir had Gravity in its moveset. Take a Dusknoir, in fact, I think a Dusclops will do, to Pastoria and give the Move Tutor a Heart Scale. IT CAN LEARN GRAVITY. I know Dusknoir has Pressure and not Levitate, but I thought it would make more sense if it had Levitate. It floats, after all.

Sorry this chapter was so short, by the way. -sadness-


	6. Gallade VS Drifloon

A/N: I AM FEELING HAPPY TODAY. That means somebody is about to be extremely sad. Cross you fingers and hope it isn't you. Then damn your theory as I chop your fingers off. 

JUST KIDDING!

DISCLAIMER: -throws pretzels at pidgebot- I was getting bored of them anyway. CUZ I GOTS CANDIES NOW! -chomp-

**Chapter Six:**

**Valley Windworks: Gallade VS Drifloon**

**By Black Archangel**

* * *

"Balloon Pokemon?" asked Aki curiously, eying the girl suspiciously.

"Yeah!" she shouted. "There's a bunch of balloon Pokemon that come every now and again! You need to see them! Hey... wait a minute..." Her gaze suddenly turned harsh. "You don't believe in them, do you?"

"W-what?" asked Aki, backing off.

"You heard me," snapped the girl. "You're a non-believer, aren't you? How dare you!"

"I didn't-"

"Don't try to fool me!" the girl continued, jabbing a finger into Aki's chest. She blushed, swiping the girl's hand away. "I know what you don't think I know! You don't believe in them and that's final! Got it?!"

"I-"

"GOT IT?!" she roared.

"I-I got it! I got it!" shouted Aki, getting the heck out of there.

The girl glared as she fled, then turned around smirking, holding the older girl's wallet in her hands. "Sucker," she laughed, pocketing the wallet.

Meanwhile, Aki was running like mad outside, then stopped, inspecting the Pokemon in front of her. "Hey, a balloon Pokemon!" she shouted. "It's cute..." She grabbed it by the leg. The Pokemon, a Drifloom, turned around, glaring. The little x-shaped bit of tape on its face popped of in fury.

Aki backed off, letting go of the string. "Gallade, kill that evil thing!" she shouted, letting out her Gallade.

Gallade popped out, blades ready to cut.

"Slash, Gallade!" shouted Aki. "Slash it to the death!" Gallade ran forward, bringing up a blade...

...and blinked in wonder as its blade flew right through it, leaving it without a scratch.

Drifloom countered with an Astonish attack. It let out a startling shout, but when Aki mentioned how this was totally against the laws of physics by shouting without a mouth, it turned silent.

Aki had no clue how to fight it. "Gallade, use... Leaf Blade? Maybe? I don't know, just use Leaf Blade." Gallade grabbed a sword made out of leaves, which, when you got right down to it, was really more like a whip, and flew against the Drifloon, sending it flying.

"How is it," she asked. "That Slash doesn't do a thing but Leaf Blade works just fine? It's not fair..."

Drifloon started attacking, basically whipping them with its leg. Aki sighed, grabbed a thumbtack from her bag, and held it out at the Drifloon threatningly.

Drifloon got the hell out of there.

They didn't come back.

"Hey!" shouted the little kid, coming out of the house. She turned to Aki. "You bastard! You scared away the balloon Pokemon!" She pulled out a shotgun. "NOW I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE!" She held out the gun, aimed it at Aki, then turned it away at the last minute and shot a nearby Buizel. "Damn, that thing was annoying me for the longest time," she said, relieved. Aki and Gallade sweatdropped in unison.

**END**

* * *

A/N: I just thought of something. If you use Spikes, then Gravity, then Roar and get a Drifloon to come into battle, wouldn't the Spikes cause it to pop? Just a thought. Anyway, I still want reviews. 


	7. Sableye VS Mr Mime

**A/N:** So, EvilDux so generously gave me an idea. Sableye has no weaknesses, Shedinja has Wonder Guard, so if Sableye has Wonder Guard, it'd be invincible, right? Well, one, it doesn't actually work, and two, if you use Foresight you can get in a super-effective hit with a Fighting-type move (Dark is weak against Fighting.) So, I can't use that, but! I can still poke fun at Sableye. You know how Normal moves just go right through Ghosties, right? And in Mystery Dungeon, Sableye... well, you'll just have to wait and see.

Thanks EvilDux for giving me an idea at last. YOU ALL NEED TO THANK HER.

**DISCLAIMER:** I don't own Pokemon, now shut up before I INFLICT STAB UPON YOU WITH **DARK PULSE**

Seriously, fear me, because I have EVs and IVs.

**Chapter Seven:**

**Fight Area: Sableye VS Mr. Mime**

**By Black Archangel**

* * *

So Riley was stalking her once again, keeping close behind her, not saying a word. Eventually this prolonged silence got the better of him (which isn't hard, considering there wasn't a lot to get) and he said aloud a single word:

"I."

The other girl turned. Riley had already started, he couldn't go back now.

"LIKE."

There was a pause. Then, slowly, he finished:

"YOU."

"BASTARD!"

Aki came running up, knocking Riley out of the way. She glanced at the other girl he was just talking to, turned to Riley, and shouted, "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING?!"

"I-impressions..." he said weakly.

"OF WHO?"

Riley didn't answer that one.

"Pervert," spat the other girl.

"Thank you for clearing that up..." Aki paused. "What did you say your name was?" she asked, but quickly she realized who she was talking to.

"I don't like you," she said darkly.

"You're a sore loser, that's all," snickered the picknicker Summer.

"I demand a rematch!" declared Aki very loudly.

Summer cackled. "Mr. Mime, crush them!" she shouted, in a very un-picknicker like way. Mr. Mime came out, and Aki silenced Riley before he could make some unneccesary comment.

Aki gritted her teeth. "Sableye, go!" she declared, throwing out the Sableye in the ball.

"Rawr," it said, in a rather dull and emo-like way.

Summer let out yet another evil laugh. She was actually quite good at it. "Mr. Mime, creep them out!" Mr. Mime did... mime things, and Sableye flinched.

"Idiot," said Aki, waiting for Sableye to return to its senses.

"Now use Doubleslap!" shouted Summer. Mr. Mime ran up to Sableye and slapped it silly. Or it would've, if its hands didn't go right through its face.

"It looks solid," complained Riley.

"Shut it," muttered Aki, still waiting for Sableye to get going.

Summer was obviously pleased at the fact that she could hit yet again. "Mr. Mime, use Barrier!"

Mr. Mime made a Barrier, doing a "trapped in a box" impression, just for fun.

Sableye finally got its act together, which, under Aki's orders, performed a Night Slash attack. It ran right forward, at Mr. Mime with the intent to kill-

And hit the Barrier, mashing itself and sliding off cartoon-style.

"Told you it was solid," said Riley, in a matter-of-factly way.

**END **

* * *

**A/N: **That's something I didn't get. Sableye can't be hit by physical attacks, but then, in Mystery Dungeon, it can't walk through walls. Speaking of which, I've been playing it, which was part of the reason I didn't update for so long. The other reasons? I had no ideas, and I was just lazy. So, be sure to hit me in your review for my laziness!

BTW, a cookie for anyone who gets the Azumanga reference in this chapter. EvilDux should get it, but I doubt anyone else will.


	8. Trapinch VS Machoke

**A/N:** So, so bored. I've finally gotten around to writing this chapter, EvilDux's idea for the most part. I may write another chapter, perhaps a special, but for now, enjoy this. ENJOY IT I SAY. ENJOY OR DIE.

**Disclaimer:** I want a Trapinch...

* * *

**Chapter Eight:**

**Route 216: Trapinch VS Machoke**

* * *

She must've been crazy, trying to train a Trapinch in this weather. Route 216 was always flooded by an insane snowstorm, and even when the storm had waned it was still freezing. Trapinchs, on the other hand, were Ground type Pokemon, and as such, prefered sand to snow. One Ice Shard attack from a Snover or Sneasel would be enough to KO it, which would make training incredibly difficult. Luckily, all they had run into so far were Machokes, which weren't big problems. 

Aki let out her Trapinch with the appearance of another Machoke and commanded, "Trapinch! Use Gust!"

"Gust?" asked a nearby trainer. "How does it do that? Does it, like, pass gas, or something?"

"Of course not!" shouted another trainer. "Then it would be a Poison attack!"

"Go away," spat Aki. "If it bothers you that much, just watch."

Trapinch rushed up to the opponent, opened its mouth widely, and-

Machoke was on its back, driven into the wall.

"Aw, man, I missed it!" shouted the second trainer.

"Wait," said the first trainer. "Did we both blink at the same time just now?"

Meanwhile, Machoke had gotten out of the wall and was threatening Trapinch mercilessly.

"I'm warning you," said Machoke. "If you spit in my face one more time..."

"You'll what? Threaten me again? You're HP's yellow, you can't win, I'll faint you before you can even try. Besides, I've been EV training," sneered Trapinch, who had apparently inherited his trainer's geekyness.

Machoke trembled. This was a tough situation. You couldn't beat someone who was EV training. "Y-you wouldn't hit a girl, would you?" asked Machoke nervously.

"Of course no- wait, WHAT?!" asked Trapinch ludicrously.

Machoke waited.

"That's just not physically possible! It breaks every single law of science in existence into tiny little bite sized pieces! How can there be FEMALE MACHOKES?! It just doesn't make sense!" ranted Trapinch.

"There are female Mr. Mimes, too," pointed out Machoke.

"See, how does that work?" asked Trapinch. "It's a MR. Mime, for damn's sake! A MR. MIME!!!" Trapinch hung his head and sighed. "See, I think you guys just have gender issues. All of you."

"Uhh..." said Machoke slowly.

"AUGH I THINK I'M GOING INSANE!!!" shouted Trapinch, slamming his head into a nearby wall madly.

"Ookay... then..." said Machoke, backing away slowly.

"AUGH, GOD, GET _AWAY_ FROM ME!!" shouted Aki, who was being chased by the two trainers from before.

"I wanna Trapinch," complained Cheryl slowly. "Aw, well. Wooper, use Ice Punch!"

**END**

* * *

**A/N:** In case you're wondering about the "Trapinch used Gust" thing, Gust is one of Trapinch's Egg Moves, however it's intended to be used by its evolved forms, Vibrava and Flygon, who actually have wings. Funny thing is that I've never seen a Flygon with a mouth before, so how it uses Crunch is a mystery... Yeah, Wooper's Ice Punch is an Egg Move too. I always thought it uses its tail, since it has no arms... Of course you've got odd Pokemon like Zubat learning Mean Look and Prinplup learning Metal Claw without eyes or claws respectively, so you can't make up excuses for all of them... or at least, not for Zubat. 


	9. Riley VS The Mud Monster

**A/N:** Yeah. This chapter's a bit odd. Mainly because it has Riley in it. But this one is really, really odd. So just click the back button of you feel you're going to rip your hair out from massive exposure to insanity. Yeah, I did have sugar today.

BTW, Cheryl is in this chapter. Mostly I've been using Riley, but from time to time I'll slip in Cheryl and Marley. Not Miru and Buck, because I've been too lazy to actually do the Wayward Cave sidequest and Buck is just a jerk.

**DISCLAIMER:** I caught Heatran! -happy-

* * *

**Chapter Nine:**

**Pastoria City: Riley VS The Mud Monster**

* * *

"So!" declared Riley, slapping his hands together (and for some reason, rubbing them together mischeviously. Like, a cartoon villain or something.) "Here's the plan for today! You!" He pointed at Aki. "You shall spend the day in the Great Marsh enjoying yourself! You!" He pointed at Cheryl. "You will hi-jack that boat waaaaaaaay over there in that pond."

"Uhh... why?" asked Cheryl.

"Oh, I don't know, I just thought of the idea one night getting myself drunk off root beer," replied Riley.

"Root beer doesn't have alcohol in it..." said Cheryl slowly.

"BAH, WHO CARES?" shouted Riley. "Just go get the goods."

"What goods?" she asked. "You just asked me to hi-jack the ship."

"SHUT UP!" he shouted, kicking her into the water.

"I can't swim..." choked Cheryl, kicking furiously.

"I don't care," snarled Riley. "Anyway, while Aki does her thing and Cheryl does her thing, I'll be on a shopping spree!"

"Is it like a killing spree?" asked Aki.

"Yes, except you're killing various goods," cackled Riley, downing a huge mug of pure sugar and throwing it high into the air behind him. "Now, off you go!"

Aki walked off to the Safari Zone, Riley set off for the nearest shop, Flint's Charizard was struck by Riley's empty sugar mug and died instantly, and Marley was once again at the funeral while Cheryl drowned behind her.

Oh, and Gardenia still didn't wake up.

Riley walked up to the Poke Mart and kicked the door, hoping that kicking it would make him look cool. Unfortunately, the Poke Mart used an automatic slide-open door, thus causing the idiot with the pwnsome hat to jam his toe on it. Gritting his teeth, he grabbed the door and tried to slam it behind him, but it wouldn't budge, and so he ended up getting his cape caught in the doorway. He stood there helplessly until some random person opened the door.

Feeling very irritated, Riley stomped up the counter and slammed down his hand on it.

"Hello, and welcome to the Poke Mart! How may we help you today?" asked the clerk cheerfully.

"I'M NOT MENTAL!" shouted Riley.

"We hope to see you again!" said the clerk.

"Whatever..." muttered Riley, realizing he'd be wasting his time executing the well thought out plan of knocking out everyone in the store with super ninja skills, setting off a smoke bomb, and taking all the loot to sell in some other town. He could just slip behind the counter, take everything, and sell it back. He was about to do so when something caught his eye.

"Woah..." he said, his eyes transfixed on a wooden Croagunk statue.

He stood there for a few moments, snatched the statue, and fled.

Meanwhile, in the Safari Zone, Aki was not having much fun.

A wild Marill appeared.

Aki ran away.

A wild Quagsire appeared.

Aki ran away.

A wild Bidoof appeared.

Aki threw mud at it, then ran away.

Frustrated, Aki spotted a nearby Bibarel. Grinning evilly, she walked over to it.

"Doof!" called the Bidoof happily.

Aki threw mud at it.

"Biiiii, Bidoof Bidoof Bi!" shouted Bidoof angrily.

Aki threw more mud at it.

"Bi, Bidoof, Doof!" shouted Bidoof.

Aki threw more mud at it. She only just realized that the mud she was throwing had a faint impression of a PokeBall on it.

This went on for about half an hour, Aki constantly throwing mud at the Pokemon, Bidoof's anger slowly elating. Finally, after being hit by mud about thirty times, it fled.

"DING-DONG!" shouted a voice. "YOUR TIME IS UP!!!"

Aki walked back inside to the reception area.

"DID YOU CATCH YOUR FAIR SHARE?!! PLEASE COME BACK AGAIN!!!" shouted the receptionist.

"Why are you talking so loudly?" asked Aki, holding her hands over her ears.

Back to Riley. Riley was walking away with his new friend. "I'll call you Croaky," he said, stroking the statue. He winced. "Ow!" he shouted. "Bad Croaky! No splinters!" He smacked the statue, and earned himself another splinter.

He swore loudly, then walked to the Safari Zone, eager to show Aki his new Pokemon. When he arrived, however...

"OH MY GOD A FREAKING MUD MONSTER!!!" he shouted, pointing at a mud covered Aki. He threw Croaky at her. "GET IT, CROAKY!" he urged. "KILL THE MUD MONSTER!!!" He ran out of the room, barricading himself in the Pokemon Gym.

Crasher Wake stared at him. "Why hello, little child!" he said. Riley threw him into the water and ran out.

"THAT SHOULD TEACH YOU, STRIPPER!" he shouted, waving a fist madly. Cheryl appeared, apparently not dead, and Riley grabbed her. "Cheryl, we're gonna be attacked by a mud monster," he said. "Get a weapon of some sort and beat the living daylights out of it!" He ran off, tripping on Charizard's corpse.

Cheryl shrugged and grabbed a fishing rod. "Where is it?" she asked.

Riley pointed at the Safari Zone reception center. Cheryl crept up there, waited, and then, when the "mud monster" came out, Cheryl whacked her mercilessly over the head, causing the rod to snap. Riley shouted loudly and threw the monster into the water in his panic.

And revealed Aki, not looking at all amused.

A pause. "I should start running now, shouldn't I?" asked Riley.

"Yes, you should," growled Aki.

Cheryl shrugged and ate a sandwich while Riley was completely and utterly obliterated.

**END**

* * *

**A/N:** This chapter is waaaaaaaay too stupid, but you have to admit most of this is slightly accurate. There is a Croagunk statue in the Mart (though I don't think you can adopt it) and the whole "throwing mud at Bibarel" thing is a true story. Wake _is_ a bit of a stripper- I mean, he never wears a shirt- but not really enough to back up Riley throwing him into water. Geez, he's really got to stop that. Like I've got to stop eating sugar. I don't drink coffee yet, but when I do, be afraid. Be very afraid.

...Oh, yeah, office products falling from the sky is a sign that I am drinking coffee, so you may want to carry around an umbrella. Not that it helps any. Parasols are better. Kirby's is, anyway. HE CAN BEAT UP TREES WITH IT.


	10. Magnezone VS Garchomp

**A/N:** Something tragic has happened. As of Sunday, September 9th, Evil Dux has abandoned her fanfiction account. All because of an idiot. Just one. Dumb, pointless flames forced her to abandon her account. Might wanna see MY reviews page, too. Because, sadly, I am a victim as well. And all this time our spammer was calling her coward, but there is only one coward involved in this affair. That would be me. I was Dux's friend, and I let her down. I fought, but I chickened out. Because I was a coward. A stupid little coward. But I shall make ammends for my wrongs. I will not let my fault go unnoticed. I will fight.

So, then: If you're out there, and I know you are, this is payback. Payback for all the wrongs you've inflicted upon us. Payback for all the moments I wasted trying to eradicate you. Payback for Evil Dux. This ends here. I will finish you, once and for all.

But I can't do it alone. You reviewers have to play your role. How can you help? I don't know, just help in any way you think you can. Report the scum, fill their stories (which aren't actually stories) with meaningless crap, just do whatever. This is just one n00b, but this one n00b is actually masquarading under a bunch of other accounts. You all must get her IP address banned. If you succeed, I WILL continue to write, and hopefully Dux will return. If not... we tried. That's what matters.

Still, though, this chapter is supposed to be funny. It's hard to be funny when you're feeling angsty, but still.

**DISCLAIMER:** Don't you dare make me go through this. I'm feeling angsty right now, dangit!

* * *

**Chapter Ten:**

**Pokemon League: Magnezone VS Garchomp**

**Black Archangel**

* * *

The decisive battle. Aki was about to beat the Champion. So maybe she screwed up last time, so what? At least Gastrodon didn't burn up in the atmosphere or anything. Although when she looked back on it, Gastrodon was a sea slug, so it should've been able to stick to the horn, right? It would still be painful, but still...

"Wake up!" shouted Riley, waving his hand in front of her face. "Pay attention, dangit!"

Aki shook from her dazed stupor. While she had been meditating, her Magnezone had apparently KOed Cynthia's Milotic, Spiritomb, Flint's Charizard (the funeral was to be next Tuesday) a Mesprit that was SUPPOSED to be on their team, Mars in the next life, and the Ruin Maniac, who was still trying to get some "cewkies".

She glanced over to her opponent. Cynthia, sweating uncertainly, grabbed a Pokeball and threw it in the air. Magnezone lazily shot it out of the sky, thus causing the ball to malfunction, sealing the unfortunate Pokemon inside.

"That's no good," remarked Riley. "Trapped in there the poor thing will suffocate from lack of air."

"How do they get air in the first place?" wondered Aki. All her Pokemon suffocated and died. "CRAP!"

Somehow Cynthia managed to get a Garchomp out before it died. "Chompy!" shouted Garchomp gleefully.

"Damn!" shouted to opposing trainer. Electric moves were useless against Ground types! Oh, if only she had paid more attention at the Trainer's School in Jubilife, even though it didn't actually teach anybody anything! "Magnezone, use... uh, Gyro Ball!"

Magnezone made a ball made of... well, something, and shot it at Garchomp. "Chompy nooo!" roared Garchomp.

Cynthia was not pleased. "Garchomp, use Earthquake!"

"OH SHI-" Aki was able to get out right as Garchomp stomped the floor hard. A sudden tremor shook the room, which didn't actually move anybody. "The heck?" she asked afterwards, confused. Riley apparently was not spared, and was in fact sent down to the ground.

Magnezone was also hit. Even though it was floating. It was sent flying through the air, despite the fact that it was floating and that technically it shouldn't be able to even touch it.

Cynthia decided to strike up a conversation. "So, the other day, I was on the Internet, and..."

"SO I HEAR YOU LIKE MUDKIPS" said Riley suddenly. The others gave him odd looks, but decided for him it was natural.

"So, then, what about the Internet?" asked Aki, interested in seeing where this was going.

"Well, there's this n00b, right?" she asked. "And she's been driving me crazy..."

**-FLASHBACK-**

Cynthia was sitting in a high tech computer room. Her windows gazed out into space, and in front of her was a huge wide screen moniter. She was in a black seat, keyboard in front of her. Suddenly the room shook, and there was a picture of a bomb exploding on her screen. After the sudden explosion calmed down, she shouted out, "What happen?!"

"Someone set us up the bomb," responded Buck, who was just there because she needed the community service hours.

"We get signal," added the computer's voice.

"What?" said Cynthia.

"Main screen turn on," lamented the computer.

A picture of a middle school kid appeared on the screen.

"It's you!" shouted Cynthia, saying her first gramically correct sentence for, like, a while.

"How are you gentlemen," said the kid, who shall be referred to from now on as, "n00b".

Cynthia looked slightly disturbed. "'Gentlemen?'" she asked. There were only females in this room. It dawned on her just then. Mars was right, there were spies amongst them!

"All your review are belong to us," said n00b evilly. "You are on your way to massive spam."

"What you say?!" demanded Cynthia.

"I'MA CHARGIN MA LAZA!" shouted Buck randomly. The computer shot her with a laser.

"You have no chance to survive make your time," continued n00b, laughing. "Hahahahaha..." The next few minutes was followed by stupid phrases repeated over and over again, filling the whole screen with spam.

**-END FLASHBACK-**

By that time Magnezone had been slaughtered mercilessly by an endless barrage of Earthquakes.

"SUCKER!" cackled Summer.

* * *

**-END-**

* * *

**A/N:** Yes, that was all. So, you owe me a favor for this free entertainment. Please help me with the idiots on this site! KILL THEM! KILL THEM ALL!!!

Please...?

**DESU!** XD


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